September 2012 everything changed. A mild traumatic brain
injury had left more repercussions than a renowned conductor leading an
orchestra. I never understood concussions or how an unseen ailment really could
be that bad, until it happened to me. One whack on the head from standing up
underneath an elevated lifeguard stand did it for me. I was so focused on
getting the little kids out of the deep end, that when I got out I wasn’t
paying close enough attention to my surroundings.
There was no passing out or abnormal findings on the MRI.
But, there were months of physical therapy to reduce headaches, months of
speech therapy to target executive functioning, and months of counseling. At 19
years old I could only be in college coursework part-time. This is the same
girl who graduated high school at 16 years old. Wondering why my brain wasn’t
up to par was too much energy to even invest. Thinking about what I would wear
each day, how to not look so out of place wearing sunglasses inside buildings
because the light bothered my eyes, and taking frequent naps began to seep up
my time.
For one year I went natural and did not take medication.
There came a point where the pain was unbearable and I needed something to
relieve the pressure. Finally, for nearly four years I took different
medications. Tried migraine medications-did not cut it. I found that taking
muscle relaxants meant my parents had to drive me to graduate school. The
grogginess made me feel and look so out of it. But, at least being tired meant
I had less energy to think about the pain.
I wake up with a headache. I go to sleep with a headache.
There is constant pressure radiating from my neck into all areas surrounding
my brain. Stress, lack of sleep, poor diet, and exercise all make it spike. But
even the most balanced lifestyle and childlike dependence on Jesus comes with a
constant headache.
I have lived the past 3 months with no medication. This
Friday on September 1st, 5 years after the incident, I am receiving
a diagnostic procedure under x-ray. A shot of Marcaine injected in the left
sensory nerve on my neck will reveal whether these headaches are caused from
the TBI or if they are due to post-concussion syndrome. If they are caused by
the TBI-the doctor will be able to kill the sensory nerve in my neck every couple months until it regenerates again. Only seeing if the pain subsides
after the procedure will tell. If there is still pain after the procedure-then
it is post-concussion syndrome and so far, no-one has told me of a cure.
This morning I was watching part of The Gospel of John and
focused on the scene based off of John chapter 11 where Lazarus’s sisters came
to Jesus and Martha said, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would
not have died. But even now I know that God will give you whatever
you ask.” Then I told Jesus, “Lord, if only You had been there, I would have
not hit my head. But even now I know that You can heal me.” That open
conversation with my Creator gave me great peace. After devotions, the clinic
called to schedule the appointment.
The timing of how Jesus raised Lazarus was perfected to
reveal His power, strength, and to encourage witnesses to behold the grandness
of our Maker. I can’t help but believe that the timing of the incident and
God’s soon approaching healing will also encourage witnesses to behold the
life-giving power my Jesus has. Jesus could have chose to wait to raise Lazarus
from the dead until the Resurrection, but He didn’t. Jesus could choose to wait
to heal me until the Resurrection, but He may perform another Lazarus story and
heal my brain. He gave me these Bible stories as proof of His grace, power, and
ability to heal.
My testimony is for Jesus. No matter how He decides to
unfold this story, He has my obedient heart, understanding that suffering will
be annihilated one day, and rejoicing spirit in His life-giving name.
I want to thank Him for using my experience to heighten my
empathy for others. The compassion my speech therapist had on me, made me
realize that I want to encourage others on their journey to empower their
communication efforts. Only this God full of sustaining love and patience could
take my circumstances and bring me through so much. I am now on my second year
of graduate school and am studying speech-language pathology. How precious is
the gift of understanding a bit more of what other’s communication/speech and
language struggles is like!
I want the hard times to drive my thoughts heavenward and
the hearty times to drive my thoughts heavenward. I want to bless the Lord at
all times. I have a bump on my head that is a constant reminder of hitting my
head just right, the highs and lows that came with it, and the hope of healing.
I can’t wait for heaven. To exchange testimonies with the apostle Paul and
learn about how he faced the thorn in his side during battle each day.
My prayer for you is that your struggles, difficulties, and
ailments whether you are attacked spiritually, physically, or emotionally-will
not deter you from putting your hope in Jesus. Fill your life with His
presence, His gifts, His writings, His teachings, His songs. Let your testimony
be shared from the rooftops and get ready because He may send you on a mission
to share what He has done for you with the other worlds, when we all get to
heaven.
Skillet’s new song Lions makes me want to roar victoriously
even more:
“If we're gonna fly, we fly like eagles
Arms out wide
If we're gonna fear, we fear no evil
We will rise
By your power, we will go
By your spirit, we are bold
If we're gonna stand, we stand as giants
If we're gonna walk, we walk as lions”
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“For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we
achieve this victory through our faith.” ~ 1 John 5:4
In His Joys,
Hannah Elise
